Are you crazy about cadence? Mad about modulation? Do you have plans this Saturday? Well cancel them. Whether you fit into the category of giblet gawker or velo virgin, anyone who loves bikes will be at this month’s Melburn Bicycle Swap Meet.

Held at the Melbourne Bicycle Centre in Clifton Hill, it’s a gnarly opportunity to sell, buy or browse the bashed to the brand new. Expect BMXs, mountain bikes, track bikes, cruisers, roadies, townies, fixies and everything in between. It will be a bike orgy.

Being a cycle enthusiast himself, organiser Andy White of FYXO knows how important it is to have your own wheels. If you’ve got some, chances are you’re sick of them or you’re perving on others. Not dissimilar to a relationship, really.

In its third year, the Swap Meet attracts riders from all over Victoria. Last year over 300 people got into gear and turned up. With something for all ages, from training wheels to pros, the atmosphere is always buzzing. If it’s your first time as a bike buff, Andy guarantees the event will have you “instantly hooked.”

Swap and haggle over $2 coffee and gourmet BBQ bangers. Aside from the bikes, Andy reckons it’s a great opportunity to “eat food, drink coffee and talk sh-t” – about bikes, of course.

If you’re planning on selling, it’s first in, best dressed, so arrive around 8am. Bring your helmet. Leave your lycra. You don’t need a ticket to ride; you just need to show up.

Where: Melbourne Bicycle Centre, 37 Queens Pde, Clifton Hill
When: 3 Dec | 8am for sellers and 9am-noon for buyers
Cost: $5 to sell
Details: fyxomatosis.com